Haiku

Haiku.

Haiku

Raging Hurricane
Mercilessly Rampaging
Elements at War

I pray for all those affected by Hurricane Sandy, I pray for comfort, peace and restoration. May the souls of the departed rest in peace.

What’s “love” got to do with it?

Apparently nothing.
What?
Popular media, popular songs and Hollywood would have us believe that love is a feeling of attraction towards someone that mysteriously comes and can mysteriously disappear. This “love” is not enough to sustain a marriage.
That is why after that initial rush has faded, people fall into thinking they do not love each other anymore! This is wrong. Feelings come and go and to a great extent, one cannot base ones life off of them. This is where people either separate and divorce or settle for a humdrum boring marriage. People have affairs trying to recapture the “love”, the buzz, the sparkle. Divorce rates are at an all time high and it is entirely possible that a good number of these would not have happened if people were not following their feelings.

1. Feelings come and go, but true love stands the test of time: We all know that. Today you are happy , tomorrow sad, the next day you don’t feel like going to work. Do you act on your feelings every single time they occur? No. Then do not fall into the temptation of thinking your marriage is not working because the butterflies in your stomach flew out! 🙂

2. You can change and control your feelings: You can change your feelings with your thoughts and your words. If you draw on memories that produce feelings, the feelings will return. Let me give an example. Cast your mind back to the memory of your first date. How did that make you feel? Exactly, you felt the way you felt that day: you are probably smiling sheepishly now! 🙂
Telling your spouse “I love you” even if you have not said or heard it in a while will make you feel different. Am I saying that this is instant? No it is not, and it depends on how long you have let your marriage lie fallow. The longer it has been, the longer it may take for the passion to be renewed.

3. What you feed grows, what you starve dies: The more you concentrate on a feeling or emotion, the stronger it gets. The more you disregard a feeling or emotion, the weaker it gets. When people take their love for granted they stop feeding it with all the things they were doing that made them feel loving. For example, man stops buying her flowers, therefore woman lets herself go( or vice versa). That is starving their feelings for each other. Keep doing the things your “feelings” made you do and the “feelings” will return.

4. Avoid distractions: If you have a husband or wife, stop looking at others and fantasizing about what your life would be with them. This will take away the time, love, and energy that you should be putting into your relationship, thus killing your marriage and setting the stage for affairs.

5. Evaluate, evaluate, evaluate: Do not wait until your marriage is gasping for air like a landed fish before you evaluate your relationship with your spouse. Have regular times when you can talk about your marriage and the things you need to be working on to keep things fresh and vibrant.

Well, here it is friends. I pray that as you read this your marriages will be strengthened and your love will grow stronger everyday.

🙂

Life in Balance- Attention Newlyweds

Life in Balance- Attention Newlyweds.

Life in Balance- Attention Newlyweds

So you just got married. Congratulations!
Remember this: your wedding was not the end of a journey, it was the beginning.
Here are a few pointers that your pre-marital counsellor may or may not have told you.

1. Don’t let it all hang out: To a certain degree, you need to give your spouse respect and space and not let them see the worst of you most of the time. Let me explain. Girls, those granny knickers, ugly robe and plain-Jane pajamas have got to go! Maybe you can wear them if your husband travels or something but as long as he is around, keep them to a minimum. Men(and ladies), if you must kiss in the morning, pop a breath mint. Do not come into bed with the stinkies: breath, body or socks. Any shaving of body hair should not be done in view of the other person.

2. Romance: Do not think that now you are married, you can stop all the”honey”, “sweetheart”, “baby”. In fact, now you should do it more. It keeps the romance alive. Men, if you used to buy her flowers once a month when you were dating, now it should be twice a month. Think of your spouse and save them that last piece of cake. Call them up at work. Leave love notes in his/ lunch box.

3. Mentorship: Find a couple whose marriage you respect and get close to them, hang out with them, get them to share the “secrets of their success” such that they are. These are the people you can go to for wise, confidential counsel. Do not wait until you have a problem so serious that someone wants to run out, before you find a mentor. Find one while the going is good. You don’t try to buy car insurance after an accident, do you?

4. Don’t rehearse your problems: No matter how great your pre-marital counseling was, you will have challenges. Do not run from friend to friend, complaining about your spouse. This is betrayal! Do not run to your family to complain about the issues you are having in your marriage. They will not forget it even after the problem is ancient history.

5.Family: Speaking of family, your spouse should never have to confront your family. Family issues should be dealt with by the person from the family, not the daughter/ son-in-law. Protect your spouse from your family( if you come from one of the families). Your spouse comes first, not mama, not papa. If you wanted to be with your family you should not have got married.

That’s all for now!

*This piece is dedicated to Bunmi and Oge Adeboje who recently got married. They know all this already though 🙂 *

Haiku

Once again, I gave myself a challenge: to write a Haiku about fall, without the words, fall, autumn or leaves.
Enjoy!

Now drop to the ground
Once green, turn yellow, brown, red
Crisp carpet of change.

Self Control

Below is a nonnet. A nonnet is a poem of nine lines, with the first line having 9 syllables. The next line has 8 syllables, etc, etc. This poem on Self-Control is part of the Fruit of the Spirit collection in my first book of poetry.
Enjoy!

We possess the strength and self-control,
Might from within, to keep our cool
Not give in to ev’ry whim,
Feeling, caprice, and sin.
Po’wr to rise above,
Unrestraint, And,
Under God,
Excess
Curbed.

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Shoetry

The $70 crib

The $70 crib.

The $70 crib

I have not blogged in weeks! I have been bogged down with moving house, packing and unpacking. I think I have finally got myself into a rhythm now, so no more long absences away from my precious blogosphere! I have missed everyone too!
Departing from my usual motivational style of writing today, I will share a story from my life.

I was pregnant with my first daughter and really excited. I was a stay at home wife and my husband…..well let’s just say his job paid more of a stipend than a true salary. On our first shopping trip for our yet unborn baby we stood in the aisle of a department store looking a different cribs.
A young lady approached us: “I have a brand new crib I can sell you for $70. I bought it but never used it because I put the baby in the bed with me and he never left!”
Long story short, we got a brand new crib for much, much less than what we would have paid for it in the store. Shortly after that, we had our baby, who slept in said crib for nearly three years! For some reason she never thought to try and climb out even though she could have( she was a tall three year old). We transitioned her to a toddler bed.
By this time we had had a second baby who after sleeping in a bassinet for 3 months, was transitioned to the $70 crib which by this time had lost a few screws. The screws were replaced, the crib was glued and it carried on with it’s job. ( Did I mention that somewhere in between the crib was used as a collection center for clean laundry?)
Now, our second child is more feisty that the first and she of course attempted to climb out of the crib and eventually succeeded. One side of the crib was lowered and placed next to a bed so that she could get in and out with ease.Fast forward a few months.
We are now moving out of the little town home that has been home to us for 6 years. It is a great community, with good neighbors, and an effective management company. On the day the movers came my little girl who is only two years old kept saying, “Don’t let them leave my bed here”,”What about my bed?”,”Don’t forget my bed”. It was as though she knew deep down inside that the $70 crib would not be going with us, to our new home.

I partially dismantled the $70 crib. Its joints were weakened, some more screws fell out in the process. I twisted it through the bedroom door as I looked around my daughters’ old room for the last time.The $70 crib had seen us through the last 6 years and now it was time to let it go. A few tears fell, not for the crib itself, but for my comfort zone which I was now leaving behind. I will miss my old town home, the neighbors, the noise of the children in the summertime, the grassy field where my children used to play. I would miss the community, the close proximity to the highways, church and downtown. The $70 crib, to me, was symbolic of everything I was leaving behind.

I carried it out of the house and placed it by the dumpster.
Goodbye $70 crib, goodbye old house, goodbye.
The end of an era.

Happy Independence Day!

Happy Independence Day!.