Marriage was designed to be heaven on earth but if you do the following things consistently, you will be sure to have a marriage from hell!
I had the privilege of listening to Pastor Ezekiel Atang, a well known speaker on the subject of marriage and here are some of the things he shared at his last meeting.

8 ways to make you marriage hell on earth:

1. Not giving God His place in your home: God is to be acknowledged in our homes , not just in church. We need to pray to Him and have consistent fellowship with him. We need to put him first as our Creator, Provider, Problem-Solver.

2. Not forgiving: If you do not forgive your spouse, your marriage is headed for the rocks. Forgiving someone does not mean pretending they did not do something wrong. It means accepting their sincere apology( sometimes you have to make up your mind to forgive them, even before they apologize), and not holding the offense against them and not seeking vengeance of some sort.

3. Communication breakdown: Talk, talk, talk! Talk until you are blue in the face. Talk about everything! See my posts: Saying It Right, Saying Sorry, and Fighting Fair . Even if you are angry with each other, the communication lines should be left open. Am I saying this is easy? Of course not. It is however, worth it.

4. Pride: Pride kills marriages. You have to be teachable, flexible and not stuck in your ways to be a good wife/husband. No, you are not always right, about everything.”I love you”, “I am sorry”, “Thank you”, should be frequent words in your home. Your high horse will not serve you the day your spouse gets tired of your prideful ways.

5. Selfishness: Selfishness and marriage do not go together. Personally, I think selfishness is the number one enemy of marriages. You HAVE to put the other person first. You have to consider them in all that you do. From little things like not eating the last piece of cake, to major things like issues related to finances.

6. The other man/ the other woman: It may not be always be adultery, it may be an emotional affair, so called “platonic” relationship, “best friend” of the opposite sex. Sorry gals, your best friend cannot be a man. Leave your exes behind. That is why they are called exes. If you have children with your ex, let your dealings with him/her revolve around the children’s needs. Don’t sleep with other people, that’s just wrong. Avoid compromising situations. If you are developing emotional ties to someone, tell your spouse. Nip it in the bud before you reach the point of no return

7. Prolonged financial set backs: There is reason why money troubles are the number one cause of marital discord. Get your finances in order.

8. No fellowship: Pastor Ezekiel talked about fellowships with God, fellow believers and with your spouse. As brevity is the soul of wit, I will limit this discourse to one type of fellowship. SEX. It is not ok to go months and years without having sex with your spouse. If it has been more than a week, speak up! Whatever the cause of the dry spell, it has to be addressed and dealt with. See my post titled “Missionary Positon”. If your sex life is dead, revive it!

Hope this helps some marriages out there!



Sex Tips for married men 2

So I am back again with a few more tips for the men!

1.Romance, romance, romance: Ladies want romance, I don’t care who they are or where they are from. You probably were romantic when you started dating, but then you “got the girl”. Guess what? Those same moves you used to win her heart, are the same ones you need, to keep the fire burning. It is not hard. All it takes is some thought, and being romantic and thoughtful does not have to break the bank. In any case, if you cannot spend your hard earned money on your wife, then what is the use of having it? Flowers. A fancy dinner. A visit to the place where you first met, first dated, or proposed. A walk in the park just to be with her. Going running together. Dancing. An “I just thought of you gift”. You get the picture. Romance fast-forwards your sexual connection.

2.Talk, talk, talk: A major complaint women have is, he won’t talk to me all day and now he wants sex, he notices me. See, women are not stupid, gentlemen. A woman wants to be part of your life, not just your bedroom and kitchen; you need to communicate and share.

3.Look the part: Who says women don’t care what you look like? Er…. We do. So shower and shave( kissing someone with stubble on his face is like having a Brillo pad scrubbing away at you). If you have a pot belly, work on getting rid of it. Body odor, bad breath, stinky feet have to be done away with. It is not cool to break wind under the covers either.

4. Make it about her: Do not have sex to take,take, take. Put her needs before yours. You will find a more willing partner in your nightly activities, if she feels that you want her to enjoy it too. You will enjoy it more too, cos when you give you will get more in return.

5. Find her hot spots: Make it your mission to know what she likes in bed. Even a simple, “Do you like this?” will tell you wether you at heading in the right direction or not. Most women do not have orgasms with vaginal intercourse alone, clitoral stimulation has to happen, boys.

6. Warmth: So, I have only heard this in one other place so I do not know if it applies to all ladies. A cold room is a libido-freezer-upper. Find out if this applies to your wife. If it does, throw another log on the fire and prepare to get it on!

That’s all for now, friends! Goodnight or good morning


Woman on top 2( More sex tips for married women)

Back by popular demand!
More sex tips for married ladies.

1. Step up your game: Ladies, get good at being a sex goddess to your husband. Role play, acting out some fantasies( not all fantasies are within the bounds of feasible or right, so you and your spouse will have to work together).

2. Initiate: Men do not have to be the aggressors 100% of the time. Give a little. Use female dominant positions to change things up a bit. Because you have been married for ten years does not mean you cannot go ahead an jump his bones. If women do not initiate, men can start to feel as though she is unwilling partner, which brings me to my next point.

3. Make him feel wanted About 800 men were asked in a survey about this and the overwhelming response was that sex is more than just a physical need, it makes men feel desired, wanted and needed. All it takes is a look from you for your hubby to know that you desire him sexually too. Tell him in bed and out of it.

4. Leave it out: When your spouse wants to make love, please do not remind him of all the wrongs he has done against you in that moment. He will only feel your rejection and not what is truly in your heart. Resolve issue before bedtime and then have yourselves some, “make up sex”.

Not a weapon: Don’t use sex(or lack of) as a weapon. Enough said

As usual I will be getting at the men next time.
Good night or good morning.


Affair-Proofing your Marriage Part 2

See the concluding part of this write up below: 

Harmless flirting: Flirting is not harmless. The Bible says let your yes be yes and your no be no. Do not make a habit of being flirtatious. Those veiled comments and insinuations about what may have been, if only, etc, etc, just sow seeds of trouble. Besides, you never know who is taking what comments seriously. If you do not have anything but innuendo to say to someone, you need to be quiet until you can say things that are truly uplifting. This is not to say that you cannot pay people compliments. You can tell someone their hair looks good, or their clothes are pretty without being sexual or offensive.  If you want to flirt, send your wife/husband a naughty text. They will probably appreciate it too!
 Avoid pornography: Contrary to popular (false) opinion, these do not enhance your sexual relationship with your spouse. If anything, the introduce impossible fantasies which intrude on your relationship. They bring an unreal picture in the mind of the viewer which can lead to a person seeking those things outside of marriage.  There are some so called “educational” materials that are nothing but pornography. Watch out. Do not start down a slippery slope.
Realistic expectations: Marriage is a long term relationship. Your spouse is not going to be the same everyday and he/she is going to do things that you do not like from time to time.  Do not fall into the trap of thinking that the grass is greener at the other side. It is not. If you are having issues with your spouse, an affair is not the answer. If your spouse has an affair, an affair is not the answer.”But he/she is not meeting my needs”. What are you doing to meet his/her needs? Have you had discussions with them? Note: I said discussion, not accusation.  Do not expect your spouse to be your everything. They are not your God.
Well, that concludes this piece. Please feel free with comments and suggestions. Have a great day!

Doggy Style(Sex tips for married men)


Men! Thank God for you, but sometimes you just don’t get it! Do you know what you wife wants, do you know what she needs?
1. Give: Put your wife’s needs ahead of your own. The Bible talks about loving your wife as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it.  Selflessly, unconditionally, sacrificially.  No more, “wham, bam, thank you ma’am”.
2. Be considerate:A good number of women today, carry bigger loads than their mothers did, some without support of a grandmother, nanny etc. Put yourself in her shoes. Help her out if you see she is struggling. Your wife is not just a sex object!
3. Connect emotionally FIRST: If you have not stimulated her brain, do not even try to stimulate her physically. She will a) Tell you she is not in the mood; b) Lie back and think of England( or whatever country she comes from); c) Decide there and then to tell you about all the awful things you have done. A mood killer, right? If you have been married for any length of time, you know what makes her tick. There are no shortcuts.
4. Plan: If you persistently try to grab your wife when all she is thinking of is sleep/movies/laundry, well you are setting yourself up for failure. Send her a naughty text, call her during the day and chat her up. It spices things up and creates an atmosphere of romance.
5. Use quickies sparingly: Everyday should not be a quickie day. Enough said.
6. Take the lead: Even after marriage ladies still want to be wooed. That is not to say that your wife cannot initiate sex. She can, but don’t leave it all up to your wife. She might feel like she’s begging for sex.
7. Cuddle: After you make love, don’t just fall asleep like a log, thereby making your wife feel used. Cuddle for a while, tell her sweet nothings, tell her she rocks your world.
I hope this helps some marriages out there! Good night or good morning.


Woman on Top( Sex tips for married women)

Women! We have become such divas haven’t we? Thank God for the freedoms of the modern world and the Christ centered mentality of good men,godly men. Ladies if our husbands are to remain happy we have to give! The Bible states that we are to walk in love.
1. Give: Put your husband’s needs above your own.
2. Talk: Tell him what you want in the bedroom. Eg “I like it when you…” NOT “Why don’t you ever….”   Tell him what you want to do to him.
3.Plan: You know he’s gonna want some nookie tonight. Send him a naughty text. That puts you on the hook, doesn’t it? Don’t always act surprised or offended when your husband tries to “get some”.
4. Play: Sometimes you have to step out of survival mode and be playful. It helps. It loosens you up. Keep a happy and joyful attitude.
5.Buy some lingerie: Men like sexy lingerie(even if they’re gonna rip it off in a few minutes). Don’t ask me why.
6. Resolve issues: If there are issues outside the bedroom, a woman cannot connect emotionally with her man. You need to have a talk with your husband(not a screaming match, mind you), about the issues at hand.
7. Learn: Improve your techniques. Read books and learn. Good sex does not just happen.
I will be attacking the men next time! Goodnight or good morning.

The Missionary Position


As years go by and life rolls along, married couples can soon find themselves becoming a boring cliché with little to no bedroom life. This should not be. The Bible states: Let her breasts satisfy you at ALL times and ALWAYS be enraptured with her love.(Prov 5:19)

I am actually going to go from the point of view of things you can do outside the bedroom to spice things up in the bedroom.

1. Date night: Remember when you use to go out on dates? How did you feel when he dropped you off at home? I bet you’re feeling the nostalgia over again. Get dressed, go out, talk about “Us”. No bills, no kids, no college funds, no work. Talk about yourselves, your relationship and where you want to see it headed. Make this a regular thing. Once a week, once a month(no, not once a year). Once in 6 weeks is my recommended minimum.

2.Realize that there are differences between men and women. We are created equal , but not the same. Men are visual when it comes to sex and usually, women take a while to get all “hot and ready”. So men, don’t expect a woman who has been working all day, rushed home, made dinner and is exhausted; to suddenly be ready to get freaky. Help her out, run a bath, give her a massage and see where it takes you. Ladies, no man wants to be made to feel he has to beg for sex or earn it. Give a little.  Ask for help where you need it. Both parties can learn to communicate their needs in away that does not make the other feel threatened; as well as bend over backwards for your partner. He/She is the love of your life right?

3.Be creative: The missionary position is not the only one, your bedroom is not the only place. There are many uses for the stairs, the kitchen countertop, the back seat of your jeep(if you get caught by police, don’t blame me!)Role playing will not harm you or your faith. Make it fun for each other. Do something different. Create a romantic atmosphere, don’t just do it out of a sense of duty.

4. Swinging, pornography, adultery and solo sex undermine your sex life, they DO NOT enhance it.

5. Prepare: Do not expect sex to just “happen”, especially if you and your husband have tight schedules that pull you in so many different directions. That is just as silly as expecting a meal to just show up on your plate and jump into your stomach. Just as you have to prepare a meal, you have to prepare for sex. Put it in your schedule.

7.See a doctor: You may need to see a medic if you are experiencing problems such as vaginal dryness,erectile dysfunction, anorgasmia, premature ejaculation. No it is not wrong for a practising Christian to take Viagra.

8.Frequency: How much is too much?How little is too little? It is all about compromise. Every night is probably ideal (Do I hear loud cheers from the men?) Personally I think that two to three times a week should be the minimum. Once in two weeks is probably too infrequent. The most important thing is to have an honest talk with your spouse(without blaming) about what your mutual needs are and what your schedules can accommodate.

9. Study your spouse: Study your spouse in this area, learn what makes them ooh and aah. Do what they like often. Realize however, that people do change and what made your wife have multiple orgasms last week might not be working this week.(Revisit point number 3).

10. Walk in love: If you are not behaving in a loving manner towards your spouse, in and out of bed, all your techniques will be in vain. There is a reason why it is called “lovemaking” and not “orgasmhaving”.

Well, feel free to leave your comments! Have a good night!

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