LIFE IN BALANCE-Mr Right or Mr Wrong

Ladies!
There is no doubt a greater societal pressure on women to hook up, get married, get hitched, or whatever you want to call it. Before you go shopping for that wedding dress that you have had your eyes on for the last x number of years; before you fall head over heels in love; before the voice common sense is drowned out by the flapping wings of the butterflies in your stomach, ask yourself this:

Is he Mr Right or Mr Wrong?
Signs of Mr Wrong-
1. Mistreats his mother: If he has no respect or regard for his mother, he is not the man for you. If he speaks badly about his mother, does not render her needed help, talks rudely to her, her does not respect women. Soon, you will be the object of disdain too. Of course, this is not to say that they do not have disagreements, but even while disagreeing with his mom, there should still be respect.

2. Is a mama’s boy: On the flip side, if everything you discuss is relayed back to Mama for her stamp of approval; if he cannot stand by his decisions until he has had his mother’s input, run. You are getting ready to have your marriage remote controlled by Mama. This is not to say that he cannot say anything to his mother, but a man has to be able to stand on his own two feet, in the areas of decision making and problem solving

3. Different religious beliefs: So, the Bible speaks against Christians marrying non-Christians. However, even from a common sense point of view, if you have religious beliefs that your partner does not share, that opens the door for conflict down the line if you try to follow the tenets of your religion that he does not believe in. No one should pull you away from God.

4. No steady job: No job, no plans to get a job; no business, no plans to start one; not in school, not planning to go to school;a “runs” guy( my Nigerian friends know what I mean); no source of income per se. Now, people fall on hard times and yes, a man might want to start a relationship with you, who has been laid off work. That does not mean you should not give him a chance. There is however a difference between someone who is looking for a means of income and someone who is not.

5. Controlling, jealous, bullying, suspicious: More loving is not the answer to a man who has problems with insecurity. If your Mr. Right has to know right down to the smallest detail, your every move, he may be Mr. Wrong. If you cannot so much as smile at another man without getting his dander up, watch out. If you are continually hearing: if you love me, you would do this; or if you really love me, you won’t talk to that person, take a step back from the subtle manipulation. If he claims to be “protective” but is really just suspicious of you, thinking you are up to no good, even in the most innocuous situations,run for the hills and don’t look back.

6. Beatings: You would think that no woman would get married to a guy who flies into a rage and “pounds her flesh in”. You would be wrong. People do it everyday. Why? There is no one answer. Whatever the reason, run for your life. Now, I am not talking about two people fighting, I am talking about a situation where a woman is beaten up by her man. Logically speaking, ladies, the chances that you will overpower a man are slim to none. The chances that you will win him over, are also slim to none.The chances that beatings will escalate once you marry the dude are pretty high. So do yourself a favor and run for your life!

7.Liar: He lies. It calls into question his integrity; it calls into question everything he has ever said and everything he will ever say. Watch yourself with him. “Where were you?” “At work”. Then you find he was at the club with the boys. “Who is she?” “My play sister”. The you find out she was an ex girlfriend. It makes you wonder, what next?

This list is by no means exhaustive, neither is it a substitute for relationship counseling and mentoring. In the “search” for Mr Right, it is prudent not to get carried away by feelings and appearances; but to sit back and take a good hard look at thing that could be signs of serious character flaws.

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Sister to Sister

Hey girls! Here a  few simple tips on your road to living a balanced life.

Your spiritual health: Stay connected to God. Take time to pray and  read your Bible. Make God your number one priority and the rest will be easier than you imagined.

Your emotional health: Stay filled with the joy of the Lord. Learn to enjoy life. Do not go through life on survival mode or you might burn out. Take a break  when you start to feel overwhelmed.

Your physical health: Do not be too busy working or taking care of other people. You have to take care of your health. Eat healthy, exercise, see a doctor when you need to. You have only one body, take care of it.

Your social health: Develop healthy friendships with ladies other than your sisters and daughters. Find Christian friends that you can share with. Iron sharpeneth iron, the Bible says.

Your work life: Do your best at work and try not to take it home with you. In the same vein, leave home matters at home. Do not take on more projects you can handle, at home, at work or socially. Take a vacation when you need to, taking a break from work is not an option, it is a necessity!

Hope this helps someone. Good night!

The Value of Your Life, Your Time, Your Purpose

Make Your Life Count

Saying no: You do not have to say yes to every meeting, every committee, every donation, every project. God has specific things that He wants you to do. You have a purpose in life and you should be about fulfilling that purpose.Do not just do everything that seems like a good idea, even in church. Because there are hungry people in the south side of Chicago does not mean you are the one to feed them. You cannot say yes to everything without becoming a jack-of-all trades! Practice saying, “Let me think about it”. Guess what? If you try to do it all, you will excel at nothing and wear yourself out because God will not supply grace for a thing if He did not call you to do it in the first place.

Pleasing others/copying others: It is good to be needed and great to be able to do things for people. Watch out, however when you start to do things just because people expect you to and not out of a personal conviction that this is something you ought to do. For instance everyone in the mothers group home schools their children and you do not. The decision to homeschool or not homeschool should be based on what you feel is the right way to go and not “what will the other mothers think”. If you are approval hungry, you will never achieve anything great. Do not buy things because people expect that you should have them based on your “status”. Those same people will not be around when the creditors come knocking or when you get overwhelmed from trying to homeschool a child that you never wanted to in the first place.

Consistency : If you are going to live a life of purpose, you have to make each day count. Each day has to be lived with a consciousness of higher purpose, doing something to achieve your goals. If your goal is weight loss, do not think that a crash diet will help you if you spend most of your days eating junk food. If your goal is to build your own business, you have to work towards it. If your goal is to win many souls, each day you have to be nice to people and look for opportunities to share the gospel.
Drastic changes seldom last long. It is the things you do with each day that build your life.

Going with the flow: Have a plan for your day, your week, your month, your year. This is not to say that you are so rigid and inflexible, that you cannot make changes where necessary, but you cannot afford to live without a plan. If you do, you will be subject to the whims and caprices of other people. Have goals for your free time too. If you do not live with some sort of plan, vision or purpose, you will wake up one morning and wonder where your life went.

Have a good night friends!

Poem: The Hero

The Hero

Look no further!

The harder you look,

The more disappointed you become;

Look no further afield.

Stop searching out there for a hero,

Look within, yes, within;

Look hard, for you will find:

Dignity,

Inner strength,

Bravery,

Faith,

You don’t need another hero.

For within you, the hero lies.

Who are my real friends? Part 3

So, back to relationships. We talked about friends, acquaintances, mentors, protégées Now on to the last one.
Business partners/Colleagues:
These are the people in your business network. Some people are colleagues and may never be more than that. That is ok. Your primary reason for going to work or doing business with someone is not friendship. I knew of someone once, who happened to tell a work colleague about some of her struggles. Her colleague gave her some advice, and based off of this, she started to make herself a nuisance by calling the lady who gave her the advice. She would call her at odd times, expecting her to drop whatever she was doing and come to see her, talk to her, encourage her and give her moral support.  She would get really upset when her requests were turned down by her colleague. This is where people get into trouble, executing too much out of a relationship that was never defined to be a friendship. Some people tell their colleagues intimate details of their lives just because they happen to be in the same vicinity. This opens people up to becoming water-cooler gossip! The fact that your colleagues are cordial does not make them your friends. That is not to say that they cannot be, but you need to be careful about putting your colleagues or business partners on a pedestal that they neither want or need to be on.

If you are not sure if someone is a friend or not,read:  Who are my real friends? Part 1.
Well here it is, I hope someone gets blessed from reading this.

Who are my real friends? Part 2

Relationships 2

In part 1 we looked and two different types of relationships: Friends and acquaintances.
Moving along:
Mentors: In modern society, a lot of people like to think that they can get ahead in life, on their own, without mentors. Anyone who is successful today has had mentors whether they admit it or not. A mentor, according to the dictionary is a wise and trusted guide and advisor. A mentor is someone who is ahead of you and can guide you on the path to where you are going. Some people by virtue of their profession are mentors, like teachers and pastors. However, there are people in all our lives who are at a certain level that we want to be. Instead of envying them, we should get close to them, rub minds with them, learn from them. You can have different mentors for different things: marriage, your career, spiritual mentors, business mentors, name it. The thing with mentors is that they will tell you the truth and from their experience, provide insight into things you do not know.
Protégées: These are people whom you have a mentoring relationship with. These are people who look up to you for advice. Do not fall into the trap of thinking, what do I know, I cannot help anyone. No matter what, you have something to give. Go out of your way to help someone who is struggling in an area where you have gained victory. You will find such fulfillment in helping another person. The saying,”No man is an island” is more than just a cliche.  The fact that someone is your protégée does not mean that they do not have anything to contribute. For instance I have a protégée whom I mentor as far as relationships are concerned. However, I admire her business decisions and I ask her opinions when it comes to learning about business as well as watch the decisions she makes in business. I learn from her that way.
* Part three will conclude this write-up*.

Who are my real friends? Part 1

RELATIONSHIPS

Relationships!

They can sometimes be the bane of our lives, especially if they are not skillfully managed. Before I go any further, I would just like to say that no matter the relationship, people are people and will disappoint you from time to time. Study the relationships in your life. They are either adding to you or taking away from you.  I will be talking about 5 different types of relationships. This is key in categorizing, if you will, the people who come and go in your life. Needless to say there are no firm demarcations between them and people cross back and forth as the seasons in our lives change.
Here goes:
1) Friends: Not everyone in your life is a friend. A friend is someone you can trust. If you cannot trust someone to a certain degree, they are not your friend. You share something with someone and they broadcast your story repeatedly. That is not a friend. A friend will tell you the truth, a friend will encourage you but will not be afraid to give you a reality check. A relationship based on externals and superficial things is not a real friendship.  Some people have no friends, all they have are acquaintances and hangers-on, people who want something from them. A friend will love you, recognize your imperfections, and still stand by you. Friends uplift you, they do not pull you down.True friends are hard to find.
2) Acquaintances: If a lot of us were truthful with ourselves, we would realize that many so called friends are just acquaintances. Acquaintances are people you know, people you may hang out with from time to time, people whom you run into at parties and make small talk with. We do not know them as well as we do our friends. We all have, and need acquaintances. Most, if not all, friends start off as acquaintances. Do not hold acquaintances to the same standard as you hold friends and do not be quick to get disappointed in them.
*Watch this space for the continuation of this piece*.

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