I Want to Have an Affair!

I Want to Have an Affair!.

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I Want to Have an Affair!

Reasons not to:

1. Guilt and shame will not be worth the trouble after all, even if your spouse does not find out.

2. You will be subject to mistrust of your spouse probably for years.

3. It will further undermine the chances that you will be able to save your marriage.

4. It is not honorable to your spouse and to God( remember, “thou shalt not commit adultery”. Actually, this reason alone should be enough to stop you dead in your tracks.

5. No matter what your spouse has done, two wrongs do not make you right and you are responsible for your own part in the sordid mess which may or may not be partly of your own making. You do not fight fire with fire, you fight fire with WATER!

6. But she/ he is not meeting my need for(*insert real or imagined need here*). Get a grip on real life, will you? No one can meet all your needs and sooner or later you will realize the flaws of the other person and they won’t be so “hot” anymore.

7. I am bored: Needless to say, anything becomes boring after a while. The energy you will use to lie, sneak around and plan your rendezvous can be otherwise directed to spice up your marriage.

Hope this changes someone’s mind out there, feel free to share this with others.

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Affair-Proofing your Marriage Part 2

See the concluding part of this write up below: 

Harmless flirting: Flirting is not harmless. The Bible says let your yes be yes and your no be no. Do not make a habit of being flirtatious. Those veiled comments and insinuations about what may have been, if only, etc, etc, just sow seeds of trouble. Besides, you never know who is taking what comments seriously. If you do not have anything but innuendo to say to someone, you need to be quiet until you can say things that are truly uplifting. This is not to say that you cannot pay people compliments. You can tell someone their hair looks good, or their clothes are pretty without being sexual or offensive.  If you want to flirt, send your wife/husband a naughty text. They will probably appreciate it too!
 Avoid pornography: Contrary to popular (false) opinion, these do not enhance your sexual relationship with your spouse. If anything, the introduce impossible fantasies which intrude on your relationship. They bring an unreal picture in the mind of the viewer which can lead to a person seeking those things outside of marriage.  There are some so called “educational” materials that are nothing but pornography. Watch out. Do not start down a slippery slope.
Realistic expectations: Marriage is a long term relationship. Your spouse is not going to be the same everyday and he/she is going to do things that you do not like from time to time.  Do not fall into the trap of thinking that the grass is greener at the other side. It is not. If you are having issues with your spouse, an affair is not the answer. If your spouse has an affair, an affair is not the answer.”But he/she is not meeting my needs”. What are you doing to meet his/her needs? Have you had discussions with them? Note: I said discussion, not accusation.  Do not expect your spouse to be your everything. They are not your God.
Well, that concludes this piece. Please feel free with comments and suggestions. Have a great day!

Affair-Proofing Your Marriage- Part 1

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How To Affair-Proof Your Marriage Part 1

 

It cannot happen to me: Really, you are not that smart, not that great, not that spiritual. Yes,you have the Holy Spirit to guide you but you cannot afford to be careless about your life. Believe me, people who cheat on their spouses did not think they would end up that way. Be watchful about the situations you get into and be watchful over your marriage.

 

 

Wisdom: The Bible says wisdom is profitable to direct. Use some common sense. Men, why would you take your secretary out to lunch alone?Pastors, why would you counsel females with your door closed and no one around? Why is your “best friend” someone of the opposite sex? If you are married, your spouse should be your best friend. I recommend supportive, close friends OF THE SAME GENDER to be “BFFs”.Do not put yourself in compromising situations if you can help it.

 

 

Honesty: I hear this question:Should I tell my spouse that I am getting attracted to another person? Let me turn the question on its head: Would you rather tells your wife that you are about to become a dad(not by her)? Would you rather tell your husband that you got not only gonorrhea, but herpes from the pool boy? Bring things out into the open early. If your spouse expresses attraction for another person, this is not the time to get shocked and act sanctimonious. It is better for the issue to be out in the open before you reach the point of no return. I suggest that you and your spouse talk about it beforehand. Discuss what you would do in the event that either of you starts to feel drawn towards another person.

 

 

Marital conflict resolution:Refer to my write-ups: Fighting fair and Saying Sorry. Please do not sweep your marital messes under the carpet( I have tried it and it does not work). It just leaves room for resentment and strife to build up. The Bible talks about where there is strife, there abounds every evil work. Where conflict are not resolved, stony silence, tension and secrecy thrive. Make sure that you and your spouse talk about the issues in your marriage. Do not just talk once, keep the discussions going if it is an ongoing or recurrent issue.

 

 

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