I Am Sorry


                         In relationships, especially in marriage, the word “sorry” is used pretty often. Yet, sometimes an apology given wrongly, or with the wrong attitude can make the offended party feel even worse than if he/she had not even been apologized to. Here are some pitfalls one can avoid when saying those magic words: “I am sorry”

1. Not saying it: Have you ever met anyone who for some reason or another would never say the words, “I’m sorry”. When people do this they are trying to deny responsibility or just letting pride get in the way. Do not try to substitute with, “That should not have happened”, or, “I understand how you feel”. Just say the words.

2. Saying, “I am sorry if”…..That is a no-no. Saying I am sorry if I hurt you puts a condition on the apology, leaving more unsaid than is said. A better way is to say, I am sorry I hurt you, or offended you, or ruined your dinner.

3. Saying, “I am sorry you feel that way”….That is not an apology, and people can usually see through it. This puts the blame squarely on the other person’s shoulders. It is accusing the other party of feeling the way they feel.

4. Expecting a return apology: In the case where spouses have a fight and say mean things to each other what happens when one person apologizes for the things they said and the other one does not? Do not demand an apology. Move on, and forgive the other person even if they do not apologize. A lot of people only say sorry because they expect an apology. If you think you are the offended party bring it up later when you are both calm.

5. Not forgiving: This applies to the so-called offended person. If someone truly apologizes do not throw the apology back in their face: “Well you must have meant it or you would not have said it”. You may discuss what made you angry, upset or hurt, but do not reject a SINCERE apology.

6. Bringing up the past: If your wife burnt your favorite shirt or your husband rode the lawn mower over your prize hydrangeas and they said “I am sorry, it won’t happen again”, please do not keep reminding them of it every time you have fight. It means you have not forgiven them. Do not keep holding the past against them

7.  Realize that no one is perfect: People (including your spouse) will offend you from time to time; where would we be without those words “I am sorry”.



5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. idowu
    Apr 12, 2012 @ 14:47:29

    Rightly said. Keep up the good work!


  2. kehinde obende
    Apr 12, 2012 @ 15:38:33

    I agree with the points above I believe every one should develop the habit to say I’m Sorry and have the spirit to forgive and forget.
    But in a situation where your spouse keeps saying I’m sorry and he or she keeps repeating the same things over and over again how should the other party react.


    • sholashade
      Apr 13, 2012 @ 15:53:11

      If someone keeps doing the same things over and over and keeps apologising, the person is not sorry. The person just wants the other party to think that they are sorry so they can go out and do the same thing again.
      A candid discussion has to happen around the issue and the seriousness of the discussion depends on how serious the issue is.
      If someone repeatedly leaves the toilet seat up it is different from someone who is physically abusive or someone who keeps having affairs. The discussion should center around the repeat behavioue rather than the fake apologies. “I know you said you were sorry the last time but you keep doing xxxx again and again”. Maybe the person has a bad habit(as we all do). With things as serious as spousal abuse and extramarital affairs, a period of separation may be the next course to take. With smaller irritating habits, one may have to turn a blind eye and take it as part of ther person.
      Hope this helps!


  3. Muyi
    Apr 12, 2012 @ 17:36:41

    This is what am talking about. Loving all the topic.


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